The Man Called ‘Islamic Martyr’

Some highlights from the resume of Saddam Hussein, the man some are calling a ‘Martyr for Islam.‘

1978-1979- Up to 7,000 Iraqi communists were executed by orders of the Ba’athist regime.

1982- The specific atrocity for which Saddam was hanged: 148 Shias were murdered in the village of Dujail.

1984- Up to 4,000 political prisoners in Abu Ghraib jail were tortured and killed. Saddam’s favored methods of torture included cutting off genitalia, gouging out eyes and acid baths.

1980-1988- Some 1.7m died on both sides during the Iran-Iraq war, started by Saddam.

1987-1989- At least 100,000 Kurds were slaughtered in the so-called Anfal campaign. Some were gassed, others cast alive into mass graves.

1988- On March 16, in the worst single atrocity of the Anfal campaign, 5,000 Kurds were killed when Saddam ordered planes to drop a mixture of mustard gas and the nerve agent sarin on the town of Halabja.

1991- Tens of thousands were killed as Saddam attempted to put down a popular rebellion following his defeat by the US-led forces in February 1991. More than 100,000 Shias were killed; a similar number of Kurds died. About 200,000 Marsh Arabs were killed or made homeless.

1993-1998- About 3,000 prisoners were machine-gunned to death at Mahjar prison in central Baghdad.

Another Year Of Insanity Draws To A Close

What do Saddam Hussein, Jimmy Carter and gay sheep have in common?

Why, Dr Sanity of course!

The year 2006 is yielding to time. Because most of you will make a pitiful effort to celebrate the New Year’s arrival and behave even more stupidly tonight than usual, Dr Sanity rides to the rescue with a classic, year end edition of Carnival Of The Insanities.

That’s right- no matter how much of an ass you make of yourself tonight, Santy Claus brings your revolting, stupid and crying in your beer behavior the gift of anonymity. Hard as it is to believe, there are people out there that make even you and your wildly exaggerated borderline personality disorder look like the picture of mental health.

This year, Dr Sanity will be inducted into the SC&A Institutes’s Hall of Fame. She has also been awarded a fellowship at the SC&A Institute, for her creative use of psychotropic drugs, restraints and cattle prod techniques. After her 3 year stint of research at the SC&A Institute, her intent is to publish her findings, tentatively titled, Dungeons: The Appropriate Use Of Sensory Deprivation And Appropriate Levels Of Moisture Content And Electrical Conductivity.

We wish Dr Sanity the best of luck in her research, and as a gesture of our appreciation, we present to her a pair of well grounded, designer electrician boots.

Carnival Of The Insanities- shockingly good!

SC&A Predictions For 2007

In keeping with spirit of the season and because the high voltage powerline to the ECT room seems to short circuiting (a situation that must be corrected before midnight so that we might participate in the midnight fireworks display), we at the SC&A Institute find ourselves with a few moments to spare.

In the spirit of the season, we would like to offer up our insightful and correct predictions for 2007:

Sex will remain a popular pastime (that is, for everyone but you or your partner).

Arab scientists will not be awarded a Nobel Prize Prize in 2007, after losing by a hair to researchers and scientists from 180 other nations. The Arab League is petitioning Stockholm for a new award, Jew Hating. That is the one field in which the Arab world has excelled at for decades.

Arab world scholars will gather at a conference funded by Mohammed Fayed to declare that Saddam is indeed alive.

George Bush will resurrect a high school acting role and appear in a Shakespeare production of Hamlet, as a tree.

Not to be outdone, John Kerry will will resurrect his high school acting role appear in a Shakespeare production of Hamlet, reinterpreting the role of Claudius as that of a French, gay, well coiffed, oppressed man who served in Vietnam. In this groundbreaking performance, Claudius is shown to love himself more than Gertrude (that bitch).

Barack Obama will question why there are so few acting roles written by Shaespeare in medieval times for African American actors. Jesse Jackson will sue.

Arnold will not be mistaken as speaking with a British accent.

James Brown will cease to ‘feel good.’ In fact, he will cease top feel anything.

Dick Cheney will go hunting with an air rifle. Secret Service agents will drop dead ducks from a helicopter.

In 2007 Al Gore will try a goatee and monocle. Notwithstanding his efforts, he will again be at a loss as to why he did not secure the Democrat party nomination.

Isabella Rossellini will make known her true love, the one dead psychiatrist she finds ‘electrifying.’

Insight and brilliance are wonderful things.