Sigmund, Carl and Alfred

WASHINGTON (MHNN)- In a highly unusual move and after years political infighting, Bush administration appointees in the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) have announced approval for Dr Sanity’s Carnival of the Insanities (COTI). The move resolved jurisdictional concerns and overlapping areas of concern that have held up approval for the last two years.

The FDA announced that the COTI has passed human trials and is has proved beyond any doubt that the Carnival of the Insanities is a safe and effective method in overcoming stupidity and increasing the intelligence quotients of study participants. The FDA noted that ECT was more effective at addressing and resolving the issue of continued stupidity and stupid behavior. Dr Andre ‘Buzz’ Voltaj noted that until there were specific ECT models approved for consumer use, COTI was clearly the way to go.

When asked about possible side effects of continued exposure COTI, Dr Voltaj noted that children were less likely to get tattooed. The side effects on adults were more profound. Women lost weight, developed less of a need for Botox and started to resemble super models. Men reported they were no longer curious about ‘extension’ emails. They appeared to develop flat abs and reported regenerated hair growth.

There have been reports of men actually participating in home maintenance activities, such as laundry and cleaning. To date these reports are anecdotal only. It is the official FDA position that such claims are extreme. As Dr Voltaj said, “Please, there are no miracle drugs.”

The EPA announced that Carnival of the Insanities was awarded the Energy Starseal of approval for requiring the least amount of energy to ward off stupidity. “If the only criteria measuring efficacy were energy, clearly the COTI wins, hands down,” said Dr Ashley Ricicle of the EPA. Dr Ricicle went on to note that wind and solar powered ECT technologies “were around the corner,” and they those new technologies would be equally effective in ridding the US of stupid behavior. Dr Ricicle did note that COTI (and the three very dead psychiatrists) would be the most efficient and effective way of improving intelligence for the foreseeable future. Further, Dr Ricicle also noted that cow flatulence has no negative energy impact on the COTI, unlike the negative impact on global warming.

Predictably, there was the inevitable political fallout.

House and Senate Democrats were outraged that reality be assigned such prominence by the scientific community. “This is no different than Global Warming,” said West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd,

“The fact is that we need to feel good about what it is we’re doing. That is way more important than facts. That is no different than when I was in the Klan- and that organization that really wasn’t so bad, you know. Far too many people are stuck on the killings, lynchings and cross burnings. There was a lot more to the Klan I know and love than that. The Klan made you feel good you know? Besides, we meant well. We wanted a clean and pure America.”

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama endorsed Byrd’s remarks.

Clinton said,

“The senator has seen a lot in his time. We could all benefit from his wisdom and lifelong choices. I know about men and the choices they make.”

Obama remarked that

“Senator Byrd has called my office and assured me that he is considering my candidacy and in no way expects me to sit on the couch against the wall in the back of his office. He just said I would be more comfortable there and I could check out the new speakers ass as she was subject to sitting in the open backed chairs close to the desk. Senator Byrd is a changed man. He cares about me and the kind of America we’d all like to see. I can only applaud when Senator Byrd says, “The south shall rise again!”

Carnival of the Insanities- get smart and save energy.