The Psychological Consequences Of Abortion On Demand

Shrinkwrapped has begun a series on abortion, Abortion On Demand: Reverberations And Vicissitudes. He remarks:

…one of the critical divides between the left and the right, between religious and non-religious, traditional and non-traditional;

His observations promise to be a dispassionate but critical look at what abortions in America means, in both the psychological and political senses.

In my work with patients who have had abortions, or whose mothers have had abortions, as well as in the psychoanalytic literature, several important themes emerge, which are germane to any discussion of abortion and will be the subject of future posts on this subject.

…and how a re-examination of Abortion may help or hinder the reconciliation of our cultural “split” psyche.

He goes on to say,

…the very high percentage of patients who have been touched by abortion in one way or another, is quite striking…

In my work with patients who have had abortions, or whose mothers have had abortions, as well as in the psychoanalytic literature, several important themes emerge, which are germane to any discussion of abortion and will be the subject of future posts on this subject…

Please note that I am not taking a moral stand for or against abortion. I fully understand the view of those who believe, for religious or moral reasons, that life begins at conception. I also appreciate the views of those who believe that an unwanted pregnancy in certain circumstances, due to bad luck or irresponsibility, can be a personal disaster for the parent(s) and the child(ren). I would like to set those questions aside for the moment and concentrate on what abortion means to those who have been affected by it; perhaps through such a discussion, the moral and ethical arguments can become clearer.

It is with these thoughts in mind that I wish to republish a personal account- my own experience with abortion. Almost two decades later the events of that day have not been forgotten. The psychological after effects are still troubling and confusing. My remarks are only representative of my own experience.

I have to be one of the luckiest guys around.

Since I have begun blogging, I have had the opportunity to read and learn from some very fine minds, bloggers all. Some are like minded, some almost like minded and some not so like minded. I have learned from them all. I am grateful for that.

Writing this blog has been an eye opener. I thought I’d have so much to contribute on my own, but in reality, whatever few words I do write are much influenced by my peers, bloggers and readers alike. I have learned from my readers– and that has helped me see things in ways I might not have, otherwise.

It is also true that in terms of influence, I am aware that for the most part, bloggers are ‘preaching to the choir,’ as Ruth of Chaos Theory has noted on more than one occasion. She is right, of course. The successful blogger is one who manages to have their reader think.

There is one undercurrent that seems to bind bloggers that write about the issues of the day. That is issue is morality. Everyone, it seems has a view, opinion and belief structure that helps define them in a world of the mundane.

I like that. Those issues of morality, more than any other, helps me focus on the things that are important to me.

Moral struggles are important, if for no other reason than they make us uncomfortable.

Morality is a moving target. You can’t just nail it once and call yourself moral. Some of the moral choices we are faced with are easy, some are more difficult. There are choices we face everyday and others we face once in a lifetime and everything in between.

There are also matters of morality that are cultural and religious. Yes, Virginia, there is a difference.

There are choices that we make that are intensely personal and others that are more communal in nature. There are some choices we make that we’re never sure of, either and there are some choices we make we wish we could take back. There are also choices we have made, that if given the choice again, we’d still struggle with.

Before I was married to my ex, she got pregnant and had an abortion. It wasn’t a matter of carelessness or indifference. The pregnancy happened.

To my ex, an abortion was no big deal. She was raised in communist Eastern Europe and as a matter of course, abortion was considered a form of birth control. She was a nominal Catholic and had a limited amount of religious instruction. In the 70’s and 80’s, that’s how it was in Eastern Europe. As in the Arab world today, citizens believed what they were taught- at first, anyway.

God, religion and morality were ‘cultural’ in the same way national costumes and national dance were cultural expressions of a society. Science and art (approved art, of course), were the defining character of her place of birth. Church was for older people and even national spokespeople who spoke for the Church were state approved. The State was the real religion. The laws of the state were canon law.

This wasn’t a lifetime ago. The Wall came down in 1989, only 16 years ago.

In any case, my ex had an abortion. By that time, she understood that there was an issue. She had been in the west long enough to know that there was indeed a different morality. Still, that is what she chose to do. She had her reasons. Whatever they were, some of you would concur and others would not.

It would be easy to to criticize her, but I didn’t back then and I won’t now.

Personally, abortion makes me uncomfortable- actually, it makes me very uncomfortable and angry. I can’t debate the science of conception and I don’t have to. Ask any infertile couple, trying to have a child and they will tell you a fetus is not ’tissue.’ That is enough for me.

By the same token, I do believe an individual has a right to choose what is right for them. It may not be what I agree with and I may find immoral, even. But until I’m in that person’s shoes, what right do I have to tell someone what is moral for them? Should not morality come from within and not be imposed? There are people and societies out there that want to do just that– impose a set of values on us that we disagree with. That imposition of morality goes against everything we believe in.

That is not a baseless argument. There are people out there with terminal diseases or in dire need of organs. Despite the desperate situations and the pain and suffering some have to endure, we do not force anyone to donate their bone marrow or organs, even in the event of death. In not doing so, we condemn those people who are ill, to death. These individuals and unfortunates are innocent and defenseless. We do not mandate that like it or not, everyone must donate what may be lifesaving to another. Is that moral? I don’t know.

Irrespective of the argument, we all make choices. We are endowed with free will, for better or worse.

I chose to write about this because someone I respect a great deal, emailed me and questioned me on my post, below, Abortions and Elections, Past and Future. That person remarked that I was a principled individual and appeared to stand by my convictions. I’d like to think so, of course. In truth however, the principles and convictions I have don’t always come easily. I know I will be criticized by some and I will disappoint others. A few may even agree with me. Regardless, there are some things I struggle with.

America is unique in many ways. One of the most important I think, is that this that one of this country’s most contentious issues is a moral one. I cannot think of any other place where moral issues divide a society as much as they do here.

The tension is a good one, I think. As long as there are moral issues at stake, we focus on our beliefs and values. It may not be pretty at times, but for the vast majority of us, the non professional agitators, both sides of a moral debate give us pause, even if we don’t admit it. That we anguish over morality is a moral choice in itself. Europe has long since abandoned any moral debate and they are the poorer for it.

Unlike the societies and cultures that have a ‘one size fits all’ mentality and structure, we know, on a visceral level that we need to constantly define and redefine ourselves and values. There is great value in a society that allows for that debate, as difficult and hurtful as it is at times. We learn from it and we grow.

The Founding Father’s offered us the ‘Pursuit of Happiness.’ There was no guarantee of happiness for us all– only the pursuit of those ideals that each of us believe in, be they material, spiritual or physical. We are only guaranteed the right to express ourselves and beliefs. We cannot impose on our neighbors those things that they may not agree with, until they do agree. Abortion is no exception.

I am proud to say I’m the father of one child, a beautiful daughter. My ex is a wonderful mother– I couldn’t be more blessed that way. I love the ‘dad’ thing and the relationship I have with HRH (Her Royal Highness, as I refer to my daughter).

I’m at an age where people still ask if I’d want to be a dad again. My stock answer is that it isn’t only up to me. Truth is, I wouldn’t mind, but if that isn’t in the cards, well, I’ve fulfilled my paternal instincts.

I can’t say what I would do if I were faced with the same situation I was in, years ago. Neither can my ex. I know what I believe and what I think the moral choice would be. Some of you might be upset with me, others less so, for my lack of sureness.

Since that event, I have tried to be more moral. It had an effect on me that still resonates, deeply, in many ways. I think of that time, every now and then.

My son would be 17 years old.

Another post with more personal reflections and experiences, Liberation, Enslavement and Abortion, written as a follow up to this post, was written on February 21, 2007.

Descending Into Chaos And Other Political Follies

Aldous Huxley said,

At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.

There is no mistaking the evil that is Hizbollah, Hamas, and the terror supporting regime in Tehran for anything other than what they are. What ever distinctions there are between them only serve to highlight the degree of depravity that they have in common. Some groups are more depraved than others. The notion that it is ‘ideology’ that separates these groups is absurd.

That monument to mediocrity and hypocrisy on the East River are demanding that America and Israel cease their assault on hate filled ideologues that make no secret of their intent. European anti American ideologues at the UN have tried mightily to cast Hizbollah, Hamas and the Iranian regime as legitimate political entities- as if they could wash away the openly racist and bigoted ideologies these nations openly embrace. Emboldened by anti American Europeans,Hizbollah, Hamas, Iran, et al, usually forget they are expendable pawns in a political dance, designed more for domestic political theater than for anything else.

In order for the ideologies of hate to gain ground, they need an environment of chaos. This of course, is antithetical to the momentum and progress of civilization, which requires that order replace chaos.

Deriving order from chaos. A big part of our lives is derived from engaging in that very endeavor.

That effort has been the basis of every culture, society and religion. Cultures, societies and religions that have predicated their values on deriving order from chaos have thrived and endured. Cultures, societies and religions that have predicated their values on chaos and disorder, have proved to be failed entities, unable to keep up with and compete with the natural evolution of progress. Cultures, societies and religions fail because they fail to adapt to new realities or because they are influenced by political, religious or cultural leaders for who progress represents a threat to their control.Every teacher will tell you that a child learns by finding order in the chaos of new ideas as the child works to make sense of the world around him or her. The best parents and teachers encourage that exploration and the questions that are a necessary component of learning. The worst parents and teachers are threatened by a thinking and questioning child, fearing the loss of control.

For example, the organized study of science has been broken down into various disciplines, so that we might better understand our universe. That is accomplished by finding order and understanding scientific phenomena. The ‘Eureka!‘ miracle drugs and technologies that have so impacted our lives, came about as the result of finding understanding and harnessing the order from the chaos. In the future, the cure for cancer and other diseases will come about because scientists diligently examine and learn from studies in chemistry, biology, anatomy and a host of other scientific disciplines. Progress in all human endeavors is the result of finding order from chaos

The primary goals of psychologists and psychiatrists, are to help their patients find order in the chaos that has overtaken their lives and in some cases, to recognize the ‘triggers’ that might upend their lives. The degree of successful therapy is measured by how well the therapist taught and empowered their patient in managing heir own lives- again, order out of chaos.

Religion, faith, the search for God and finding meaning, is very much about finding order from chaos. That said, there are religious ideologues believe that never ending violence or the threat of is an acceptable form theology.What happens when our natural instinct and need to find order from chaos is impeded? In our time, there is a clear attempt to replace the theology of reason with the theology of violence- and a clear attempt to deal with this dysfunction as if replacing theologies of reason with theologies violence was an acceptable expression of equal ideologies. The disastrous implications are clear. Maxed Out Mama notes

I want to reiterate this: for every act of violence in the west, there are ten in the Muslim world. The ideology of Violence must be defeated, because it will never surrender - but that need not mean that Muslims must be outcast, or that being Muslim is at all incompatible within being humane and just. What we should do is speak and live reason, even if we have to carry a gun to do this. I must, in the end, have a radical addiction to freedom, because I would rather live in an armed society than in one which carried out pogroms against innocent Muslims.

Let’s examine this a bit more closely. For those who need to impose an ideology or theology of violence over reason, it becomes necessary to subvert those who might seek order from the chaos. In societies, cultures and even religions, the notion of order from chaos is upended if violence is given reign over reason. When violence or a culture of violence is given dominion over reason or a culture of reason, we are going back in time, reverting to more primitive instincts.

Those for whom reason and order are the ‘prime directive,’ cannot allow the wholesale degradation of a people into violence or chaos, led by a few dysfunctional and evil men. This is not a matter of religion. Anyone, regardless of religion or even belief, realize that real believers understand that we were not put here to blow each other off the face of the earth. If we turn a blind eye or ignore the plight of Muslims under these repressive and dysfunctional regimes, we do so at our own peril.

We noted in Peace In The Middle East Starts At Home, that

The biblical tale of Abraham and Isaac is instructive. Now matter how willing his servant is, God does not allow Abraham to sacrifice his son.

God does not demand from Abraham that he obviate his role as a parent. He insists rather, that Abraham resume his natural role as a parent. God does not need Abraham’s son as a sacrifice.

God demands a theology of reason over violence, and order from chaos. We are not meant to sacrifice our children, to use them in fact, as weapons to kill others in God’s name.
To parent and elevate our children is to find order and reason in the most important part of our lives, as custodians for the next generation.

If we are to help each other, nourish each other and support each other as we fulfill the human destiny of progress, we must accept that our mission on this earth is not to destroy each other. Rather, we must accept as truth that the principal raison d’etre of our lives is to keep reason and order as an anchor against the vile and foul winds that are violence and chaos. This is the message we repeat over and over again. The problems in much of the Islamic world are very fundamental and are in no way the result of anything other than a spectacular dysfunctionality. To place the blame elsewhere (on America, Israel, Jews, Christians, etc.) is no more than an attempt to validate the idea that chaos can take precedence over order, if and when that serves a particular need.

The accumulation of our contributions, as we endeavor to always demand and expect order rather than chaos, are what defines civilized society. Those that do not contribute or demand to that chaos rule the day, exclude themselves from civilized society.

Our adversaries, by deliberate deed, action and by their own admission, have come to value violence over reason. They have destroyed much and wish to destroy even more. They wish to upend the truth that we are not meant to destroy each other.

A civilized society does not exclude others easily or separate itself from others with great pleasure. It is an undisputed and sacred reality that civilized societies are built on the principle and foundation of inclusion. We wish peace with our neighbors. Peace by definition, means order and reason, a live and let live culture. Societies that share the values of order and reason have proved to be the most successful societies in history, from cultural, educational, legal and economic standpoints, among others.

Tragically, there are those that claim to want peace- but only if that peace is based on the threat of violence and capitulation to an evil that destroys, hates and rules by threat of chaos.

Dr Sanity, in Repression And The Mirror Of Insight, prefaced her remarks by noting “Freud is reported to have said that the very act of entering into civilized society entails the repression of various desires, impulses and feelings.”

In her post, Dr Sanity discusses order over chaos, albeit indirectly:

The most psychologically healthy… are those those that allow us to transform the primitive instinctual energy of even the most destructive emotions into works of art or entertainment that give pleasure to others (sublimation and humor); or behavior that is socially beneficial (altruism, anticipation, suppression). People who achieve optimal psychological health are those who have come to satisfactory terms with their neurobiology. They are people who have learned to accept their anger, rage and other potentially deadly emotions and, instead of destructively acting out, repressing, denying or projecting; have creatively expressed those feelings in a way that improves life both for themselves and for others…

Insight is a wonderful thing. The power or act of seeing into a situation and apprehending the inner nature or motivation of one’s self–especially the why–can be extremely liberating… Only by being aware of these kind of hidden truths and inner motivations can a person gain control over them and correct the behavior that they generate.

Without real insight, we are playing a kind of lottery, not only with our own lives, but with the welfare and future of our community as well.

In one form or another, we are all weighted down. We all carry some kind of baggage- our responsibilities, our home life and the influences of our childhood all contribute to the ‘load’ each of us bears. It is true that with the help of a therapist, we can learn to ‘unload’ that baggage and bask in a kind of new found freedom. That said, without real insight into ourselves and understanding why individually and collectively, we must constantly work at finding order from within chaos, we will find ourselves weighted down again, very quickly. Without real insight, freedom from chaos soon becomes ethereal, because learned dysfunctional behaviors and biases reassert themselves.

In other words, a prerequisite to civilized society a clear demand that we find order in chaos. We must come to insight- to understand what motivates us and to recognize our biases and those dysfunctional behaviors that influences the choices we make. When chaos or violence, even dressed up as ‘reasonable expression,’ is allowed to the fore, our ‘civilized society’ suffers- and we and society reverts back to more primitive behaviors.

Those voices that call for or defend the policies of those who place violence over reason and demand chaos over order, are equally as dysfunctional as those for whom the ideologies of violence and chaos are a reality- and they are equally threatening to civilized society.

Portions of this post have been previously published.