Memo To All Employees

Memo: To All Employees.

Subject: Company Picnic

We are glad we had a great turnout for out first- and last- company picnic.

While everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, our group did not exactly portray the public image we wish to convey.

Additionally, we are now seeking candidates for the position of ‘Administrative Assistant.”

Guns And Roses

Our trip to Isabella’s Tuscany villa has come to an end.

After tearful goodbyes and a healthy dose of Mediterranean wailing and chest beating, we left an exhausted but happy Isabella at the docks. Thousands of others joined Isabella in mourning our departure, vowing to forever wear black dresses and kerchiefs. They have vowed to spend their days seated at the table of a darkened dining room, each exhaled breath a sorrowful sigh . The sight of so many women with arms outstretched, pleading for for us not to leave, was a sight we will not soon forget. Hardy men from the flotilla of small fishing vessels tossed fish into our motor launch and shouted out promises to name their sons, Sigmund, Carl or Alfred. Some promised to bestow all three names on their first born. Sailing ships of all sizes, fire boats spraying their water cannon high into the air and cruise ships deep horns all bid us adieu. We are grateful that our wishes for a low key departure were respected.

Imagine our surprise that upon our return we learned that a rumor of our demise (at the hands of the same super secret Israeli hit squad that did in Dodi and Diana, Old Yeller, Rock Hudson and baby seals) was spreading like wildfire throughout the Arab world. There were reports of celebratory gunfire in Gaza, the West bank, Syria and Saudi Arabia. Leaders of the Arab League convened an emergency summit and issued a rare unanimous statement applauding our demise (for more on the Arab League, see this)

As Mark Twain once noted, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

The news of our return, good health and Isabella’s profound devotion has yet to be gauged. Early reports from Tehran indicate that news of our return has resulted pain, shock and despair. Our return has resulted in yet more cultural implosion.

The SC&A Institute has received hundreds of phone calls by disillusioned leftists. Not since the tragic passing of Anna Nicole Smith have we seen so much turmoil in the comparatively small breasts of so many.

It is clear insanity is contagious- and the ability to recognize and steer clear of insanity in imperative. The best way to recognize insanity is a weekly booster shot of Dr Sanity’s Carnival Of The Insanities.

That’s right. Think of the Carnival of The Insanities as a prophylactic, designed to keep you from getting into trouble and making the mistake of a lifetime.

Don’t make the same mistakes that have undermined an entire civilization and the left. Learn to recognize insanity, how to avoid it and what to do if you get it (Think SC&A Institute. Contact information is here.)

Carnival Of The Insanities may not be a weekend in Tuscany with Isabella (or Fabio, if you are so inclined), but then, you don’t deserve a weekend in Tuscany with Isabella. Of course, religiously reading the Carnival may just change that.