The Wednesday Weekly Whacky Award Goes To

The SC&A Academy of Extremely Peculiar Pathologies, is pleased to announce the winners of the Weekly Wednesday Whackjob Awards, commonly referred to as the ‘Whacky’s.’

First, some fine print: nominations will open each week until 10:00 PM, EST (After the broadcast of House, M.D.).

That’s it for the fine print.

The Judging Committee at the SC&A Institute wish to extend their apologies to our readers for the delay in this week’s publication of the Whacky Winners. A renowned psychiatrist, when asked about the cancellation of patient sessions replied, “It isn’t as if they won’t be crazy tomorrow.”

Today’s show will feature an entertainment interlude sponsored Posey.

A ‘Whacky‘ has been been awarded this week in each of the following categories:

The Thorazine Shuffle and Dance Award, presented each week to the politician who dances and shuffles without actually addressing reality or answering a question, goes once to House Leader Nancy Pelosi. Her trip to Damascus has been deplored by White House officials and Middle East experts. Harsh words came from the Muslim Brotherhood too, as well as the well respected Syria Reform party. Those strange bedfellows made no secret of what they think of the Speaker’s visit to Damascus.

The Syrian branch of the Muslim Brotherhood on Tuesday condemned new US House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s visit to Syria. Pelosi shook the hands with “the president (Syria’s Basher al-Assad) of one of the worst repressive, totalitarian regimes,” the dissident Brotherhood said in a statement.

Syria “still carries out political arrests and torture…and is responsible for the disappearance of thousands of dissidents as well as the forced exile of many others,” a Brotherhood leader, Ali Sadr al-Din al-Bayanuni, said in the statement.

Another Syrian opposition group, the US-based the Reform Party of Syria, also criticised Pelosi’t trip to Damascus.

“We believe that dialogue with violent dictators harbouring terrorists sends the wrong signal about the US commitment to freedom; especially when dialogue has been tried on many occasions with no results to speak of,” the party said in a statement posted on their Internet site.

The Washington Post said Ms Pelosi’s trip

…offered an excellent demonstration yesterday of why members of Congress should not attempt to supplant the secretary of state when traveling abroad…

…Ms. Pelosi responded by pointing out that Republican congressmen had visited Syria without drawing presidential censure. That’s true enough — but those other congressmen didn’t try to introduce a new U.S. diplomatic initiative in the Middle East. “We came in friendship, hope, and determined that the road to Damascus is a road to peace,” Ms. Pelosi grandly declared.

Never mind that that statement is ludicrous: As any diplomat with knowledge of the region could have told Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Assad is a corrupt thug whose overriding priority at the moment is not peace with Israel but heading off U.N. charges that he orchestrated the murder of former Lebanese prime minister Rafiq al-Hariri. The really striking development here is the attempt by a Democratic congressional leader to substitute her own foreign policy for that of a sitting Republican president.

…Ms. Pelosi’s attempt to establish a shadow presidency is not only counterproductive, it is foolish.

The Thomas Szasz Psychotherapy Award, presented each week to the biggest idiot therapist we can find, goes to the therapists that have made the Honor Roll at Psychcrime.

An example:

Maine psychiatrist Takeo Kawamura agreed to accept a reprimand in an agreement signed with the state Board of Licensure in Medicine. In addition, Dr. Kawamura must successfully complete a Board approved ethics course every year.

The Board received two complaints against Dr. Kawamura alleging inappropriate remarks and violation of patient confidentiality. Dr. Kawamura admitted the Board had sufficient evidence to reasonably conclude that he used inappropriate language, inappropriately shared confidential medical information, and employed untested and unaccepted therapeutic measures.

In other words, instead of referring to patients as ‘Bob’ or ‘Joe,’ this idiot used their real names.

The Valium Award, presented to the dullard of the week goes to Tom Calver and ‘Cheddarvision.’

Something strange and slightly troubling begins to happen when you spend more than about two minutes watching Cheddarvision, the much-publicised website set up by the cheesemaker Tom Calver, which broadcasts live footage of a single 44lb truckle of cheddar as it imperceptibly matures. First, unsurprisingly, you feel bored and irritable. Then, after a while, and without really meaning to, you slip into a peaceful, meditative, quasi-hypnotic state. You start to breathe more deeply. Peripheral distractions – traffic noise, ringing telephones – fall away. There is you, and there is the cheese. Nothing more. If something should actually happen to the cheese while you’re in this state of mind – every week, the cheese is turned over; on one occasion, the label fell off and had to be replaced – it has an impact utterly disproportionate to the event. It is inexplicably hilarious; astonishing; gasp-inducing. Then the drama subsides, and once again, it’s just you and the cheese – and, depending on the time of day, perhaps tens of thousands of other people, scattered across the planet, for whom no other concern is more pressing in their lives, right at this very moment, than to stare at cheddar.

The Trojan Award is presented each week to the person or persons we wish had never been born. This week’s award goes to the surgical staff of the West Los Angeles Veterans Administration Hospital:

An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records…

We’re just glad the surgeon doesn’t work on our vehicles.The NutriSystem “I’m Not So disgusting to My Spouse Anymore” Award, given to the biggest loser of the week, is awarded to the Customs Officer who came home and bragged about his exploits at work to his wife:

A Ukrainian woman was arrested after customs officers caught her trying to smuggle drugs inside a vibrator.

Svetlana Ivanyshka, 26, was asked to open her suitcases at Kiev airport after guards got a tip off that a young woman on her flight from New Delhi was carrying drugs.

They found a bag of hashish stuffed in the sex toy’s battery compartment.

A border police spokesman said: ‘She told us that she had put the drugs in a vibrator because she thought no one would ever think of touching it, let alone looking inside it.

‘She was obviously unaware of how thorough our officers are in their searches.’

No doubt his wife will be pleased to know her husband’s familiarity with her sex toys is something she can share with the world.

The Haldol Honor, awarded each week to the person or persons most out of touch with reality, either on or off medication goes to Justin Brady, the idiot who had his name legally changed to ‘Ynot Bubba.’

In further naming legal battle news – following on from the tale of the parents who want to call their daughter ‘Metallica’ – an American man has convinced a judge to let him change his name. From now on, Justin Brady will be legally known as ‘Ynot Bubba’…

Mr Bubba eventually chose Ynot Bubba as his name after also considering the alternative names ‘Lacon Marlboro’ (after the town of Lacon and his favourite cigarette brand) and ‘More Chek’ (after his wish that people would give him more money).

Sources tell us his new middle name is ‘Dumbass.’

The Methamphetamine Medal, awarded each week to the most hyper, histrionic, hysterical, spaced out documented behavior goes to the woman in Nanking, who in fit of get the laundry done frenzy, fell from a multi-storey buildings and

…survived a plunge from a sixth-floor balcony because she landed on a fortuitously placed pile of excrement.

The incident, which makes us consider the blurry line between ‘really lucky’ and ‘really unlucky’, happened as the woman was hanging out washing on the balcony in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, according to reports in the local media.

Clearly, the fortune cookie predictions were in her favor.

The Kuaibao newspaper reported that, at the same time as she was hanging out the washing, workers were emptying the building’s septic tanks. The reports suggest that the septic tanks had not been emptied for a long time, and the building frequently had blocked pipes.

As a result of the septic tank cleaning, there was a 20cm thick layer of human waste waiting to cushion the woman’s fall after she toppled off the balcony. She only suffered slight injuries.

The question of why she was hanging out washing directly above an eight inch deep filth-slick, with all its associated smells, is not addressed in the reports.

Her hubby will finally understand what exactly is ‘eau de toilete.’

The Viagra Statuette, awarded to the wimpiest metro sexual goes to any guy who has to ‘once and for all determine his manliness by taking the ‘ definitive ‘wimp test.‘ Some sample Questions:

Have you ever applied wall coverings?

Are women quick to befriend you because they think you are gay?

Have you ever asked for a raise just to pay for redecorating your living room?

Do you own ‘dressy’ khakis and ‘casual’ khakis?

The ECT Battery Award, presented to the most shocking news story of the week, goes to the absolute morons at Hempfield Area High School in Pennsylvania:

A fifteen-year old boy…was incarcerated for twelve days, wrongly accused of making a hoax bomb threat – because his school had forgotten that the clocks had gone forward.

Cody Webb was arrested last month, after Hempfield Area High School received a bomb threat on their student hotline – which provides a range of information to students about the school – at 3.17am on March 11th. They believed they’d found the culprit when they traced the phone number they thought was responsible to Webb.

Unfortunately, they forgot that the clocks had switched to Daylight Saving Time that morning. Webb, who’s never even had a detention in his life, had actually made his call an hour earlier.

Despite the fact that the recording of the call featured a voice that sounded nothing like Webb’s, the police arrested Webb and he spent 12 days in a juvenile detention facility before the school eventually realised their mistake.

Webb gave an insight into the school’s impressive investigative techniques, saying that he was ushered in to see the principal, Kathy Charlton. She asked him what his phone number was, and , according to Webb, when he replied ‘she started waving her hands in the air and saying “we got him, we got him.”’

‘They just started flipping out, saying I made a bomb threat to the school,’ he told local television station KDKA. After he protested his innocence, Webb says that the principal said: ‘Well, why should we believe you? You’re a criminal. Criminals lie all the time.’

All charges against Webb have now been dropped.

Wanna bet the principal gets promoted?

Finally, The HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) Prize awarded weekly to the loudest and most inconsequential feminist drivel the SC&A jury can find. This week’s award is presented to the author of Nine Pearls, who in one mindless rant, defines all men (who don’t agree with her precious point of view) as Ray Barone or Homer Simpson:

Folks in the Men’s Rights movement tend to really enjoy trotting out “sitcom dads” as evidence that Evil Feminizing Culture is Hating on the Menz.

…Given what I’ve personally seen out of men born in the late 40’s and 50’s, MRA’s really ought count their blessings…

At the core of the Doofus Dad character isn’t a stupid man, though that’s what tends to rankle the male egos when this conversation happens—that Ray Barone is always wrong, and that Homer is functionally retarded. But, really, it’s not stupidity at core. The Doofus Dad works, and works even among male audiences, because at core the character is a father that would rather be at work, or at the bar, or on the golf course than at home. It works because it’s familiar.

Among my friends that had fathers around, nearly every one of those dads a “hobby.” Fishing, golf, hunting, motorcycles, piloting, drinking, whatever. It was always something that took up a huge amount of time and didn’t work well with kids under 14. And, in order to acquire the time to do these things, the men in question had essentially make themselves 98% useless around the house. It’s not that any of those men were stupid. But, they’d conditioned their families to expect no more and no less than taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn—anything else is something they wouldn’t do “right.” Not couldn’t, but wouldn’t. And, they’d duck out with a good chunk of free time.

…These are ‘stupid’ men that set up elaborate lies to get out of the house—Ray Barone, in particular, was on a constant campaign to get away from his family. These characters don’t like their kids. They may love their kids… but they don’t like them. The defining characteristic of the sitcom dad isn’t that he’s dumb—it’s that he wishes he weren’t a father. Now, given what I’ve heard people my parents age say, I don’t suppose that the Grudging Father—the man that wishes he hadn’t had kids, or wishes that he hadn’t married to begin with—is new in the slightest. It wasn’t new in the 50’s when, if we are to believe the men’s magazines of the time, the Grudging Father and Trapped Man was the norm… And, the Grudging Father comes across as an ass. A reliable ass, maybe, but… an ass.

Lots more, on other ‘TV dads,’ her own father and the fathers of friends.

Yeah, self absorption is really a problem only men face.

Stupidity abounds.

Now while we’re on the topic of crazy, be sure to visit Dr Sanity’s Carnival Of The Insanities (this weeks selection are particularly good) for more bizarre, arcane, insane and incredible examples of what can be found in the whackosphere, blogosphere, MSM and NASA.