‘Is that what mommy’s going to have?’

From the ‘You can’t make this stuff up department’

Horror-ibile Mistake! 

A family film audience was stunned to get an unintended glimpse of a horror movie, which left some parents and their children shaken and the theatre chain apologizing for the movie mix-up.

The moviegoers were expecting to see “The Last Mimzy,” the PG-rated tale of a brother and sister who discover a mysterious box of toys and become endowed with superhuman powers to help preserve humanity’s future.

Instead, the crowd saw the opening scene of “The Hills Have Eyes 2,” the R-rated sequel to a recent remake of a 1977 horror classic by the genre’s renowned Wes Craven.

“The Hills Have Eyes 2,” which centres on National Guard troops who stumble on a clan of mutant cannibals, starts with a chained woman giving birth to a mutant.

“There were kids that were crying, there were people trying to cover the kids’ eyes, they were caught off guard,” said Anthony Rasco, who was in the audience when the scene was unexpectedly shown in one of the theatres at the Island 16 multiplex on Thursday. “By the time we could react and pull the kids together and figure out what was happening, we pulled them out of the theatre.”

Another patron said the episode had left his three-year-old son with lingering, and unsettling, questions.

“My wife is eight months pregnant, and he’s been asking, ‘Is that what mommy’s going to have?”‘ said Frank Doll, 31, of Mastic, N.Y..

Theatre staff soon stopped the movie, gave the patrons free ticket vouchers, and started “The Last Mimzy” about a half-hour late, according to parents.

National Amusements Inc., which operates the Island 16 and about 1,500 other movie screens in the United States and elsewhere, expressed “deepest apologies” in a statement Friday.

“We are working with our theatre’s managers to correct this situation and ensure that it does not happen again,” said the statement from the company, based in Dedham, Mass.

The Real Story Of How The Hostages Came To Be Released

(MHNN) -London- Now that the release of the British soldiers is a happy reality, the story of the behind the scenes efforts of just how that release was effected, can be told.

Last week, Dr Sanity was asked by the British Admiralty for her assistance in securing in the release of the kidnapped sailors and marines. Without hesitation, the former NASA psychiatrist and organic waste in space elimination expert agreed. Under the cover of ‘internet provider’ problems that would limit the ability to post on her blog, Dr Sanity took the first available flight to Heathrow from London (Air Kyrgyzstan). After deplaning, kissing the ground and returning the goat she saved from a mid flight slaughter ritual, Dr Sanity headed directly for Whitehall.

According to sources, by the time Dr Sanity arrived, it was clear that the negotiations with the Iranians had ‘gone south.’ Rather than waste further precious time, Dr Sanity insisted that she be allowed to go to Tehran immediately to negotiate the release of the hostages. After a brief call to Number 10, permission was secured and Dr Sanity, traveling under an alias, boarded the first plane to Tehran (Air Uzbekistan). After deplaning, kissing the ground and returning another goat she saved from a mid flight slaughter ritual, Dr Sanity headed directly for Mullah Boulevard, escorted by a group of crack Revolutionary Guards (formerly goat shepherds).

Upon her arrival at Mullah House, Dr Sanity was asked to put on a hijab. Her refusal brought some consternation to her hosts, but as she later noted, “I couldn’t allow them to set the tone of the negotiations.” She went on to say that if she were to don a hijab, they would have to don “Speedos and bow ties, the costume that women respond to in the west.” While 3 Mullahs agreed to wearing the costume and offer up a few dances in a party like setting (”In the interest of foreign relations, friendship and we keep the dollar bills, right?”), the rest declined and then dropped their demand that Dr Sanity don the hijab.

When the diplomatic niceties and exchanges of gifts were concluded (Dr Sanity gave each mullah a Rambo and Girls Gone Wild DVD. Each mullahs gave her a signed, 8″ by 10″ glossy of the late Ayatollah Khomeini participating in various athletic endeavors. The images of the Great Leader on the parallel bars and in Modern Dance class are said to be particularly valuable), she was escorted to the office of Mahmoud Ahmadenijad.

The President of Iran became particularly incensed that the gift she had brought for him were chitlins and hog jowls. He thought he was deserving of something more fitting his office. The NASA waste elimination specialist noted that if the hostages were held over Easter, Christendom would demand they participate in the traditional ham dinner, Easter egg hunt and Cadbury chocolate. The chitlins and hog jowls were a reminder that the clock was ticking.

Dr Sanity, as if on cue, agreed and noted that some things are earned. If the President of Iran wanted better gifts, he would have to earn them with the release of the hosrages. “I am the President, ” replied Ahmadenijad. “You are still a pipsqueak,” retorted Sanity, “You are a little man with little fingers and little shoes,” she said, “We in the west know what that means.”

Ahmadenijad went into a rage. “I get emails, every day! I can get that fixed, whenever I want!” he shouted. “No you can’t,” Santy replied, “No western nation will give you a visa. Do you really want some Sunni Arab surgeon near your private parts? Or does that idea secretly please you?” She also told him photos existed of him celebrating the Ashura festival, self flagellating- only he wasn’t whipping his back, as most celebrants do.

Ahmadenijad went limp. “Take them home,” he said simply. He did ask that he receive an advance copy of this week’s Carnival Of The Insanities, so that he “might retain his dignity as a man.” Dr Sanity agreed, but noted he would need more ‘man’ to be a man. She left him in a fetal position, calling out for his mother.

After the final arrangements were made, the release of the hostages were delayed by a day because Dr Sanity made clear that the plaid suits and socks the Iranians were insisting the hostages wear was absolutely unacceptable. As a result new suits had to be tailored and new socks had to be procured before the hostages were released.

After the sailors and marines were freed, Dr Sanity took the first direct flight from Tehran back to the States (Air Buhkara). After deplaning, kissing the ground and returning the goat she saved from a mid flight slaughter ritual, Dr Sanity headed directly for home where she worked on this week’s edition of the Carnival Of The Insanities.