The Wednesday Weekly Whacky Award Goes To

The SC&A Academy of Extremely Peculiar Pathologies, is pleased to announce the winners of the Weekly Wednesday Whackjob Awards, commonly referred to as the ‘Whacky’s.’First, some fine print: nominations will open each week until 10:00 PM, EST (After the broadcast of House, M.D.).

That’s it for the fine print.

The Judging Committee at the SC&A Institute are pleased to announce that this week’s crop of crazies of are particularly amusing and all have deep roots in the fertilizer that is crazy.

This week’s program is being, broadcast from designer studios of Silvert, purveyors of the finest hospital gowns, pajamas and shuffle slippers money can buy. The designers and couturiers of Silvert are proud to be the maker of the most stylish rear end exposing fashion.

A ‘Whacky‘ has been been awarded this week in each of the following categories:

The Thorazine Shuffle and Dance Award, goes each week to the politician who acn best dance and shuffle without actually addressing reality or answering a question. This week, the award goes to John Kerry, who just can’t stand being out of the spotlight. Mr Kerry, a Vietnam Veteran, swims against the tide by saying he believed Don Imus should not have been fired. When asked if he would support Imus by appearing on his show, Kerry replied:

“It would depend on what the context of the show was obviously. If he goes back to doing the same old same old I’d have trouble doing that, but if it’s a different show and he says it’s going to be different sure.”

While we find ourselves in agreement with Nr Kerry’ s noble sentiments, we question his sincerity. Why? Because Kerry wants attention.

It didn’t take long for the “flip-flopping” headlines to pop up in the conservative blogosphere after Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., told our Gannett colleagues at KUSA-TV in Denver that he still might get into the 2008 presidential race.

Kerry, the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee, said on Jan. 24 that he wouldn’t be running for president this time around. “I have concluded this is not the time for me to mount a presidential campaign,” he said. “It is time to put my energy to work as part of the majority in the Senate to do all I can to end this war and strengthen our security and our ability to fight the real war on terror.”

This is what he said this weekend on KUSA: “Could that change? It might. It may change over years. It may change over months. I can’t tell you, but I’ve said very clearly I don’t consider myself out of it forever.”

Mr Kerry has yet to announce if he will take a trip to Syria or Iran. Teresa has not yet found the right scarf.

The Thomas Szasz Psychotherapy Award, presented each week to the biggest idiot therapist goes to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which for over 4 decades counted Dr. William Ayres among their members. That’s right- for over 4 decades, Dr Ayres is supposed to have slipped beneath the radar of some of the brightest psychoanalytical minds in the nation. Comforting, right? Well, it gets better.

Dr Ayres, who once headed the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has a long track record of charges of abuse. Nevertheless, he remained a member in good standing. The child therapist remarked that

“I do not think there is any standard of care that says it’s inappropriate for a physician who is a child psychiatrist, that they should not do physical examinations.”

Despite decades of complaints,

A spokeswoman for the Medical Board of California said Ayres’ license to practice doesn’t expire until January and he has no record of complaints to the board.

Which is a nice way of saying, ‘screw you and your kids.’
The Valium Award, presented to the dullard of the week, goes to the toilet manufacturer executive in Japan who had to face the media after issuing a toilet recall.

One of Japan’s leading toilet makers has been forced to offer free repairs to 180,000 of its hi-tech lavatories, after three of them caught fire.

Not only did three of the toilets – made by top manufacturer Toto Ltd. – burst into flames following faults with their electronic bidet accessories, but a further 26 started smoking.

‘Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries,’ spokeswoman Emi Tanaka said.

‘The fire would have been just under your buttocks,’ she added, reassuringly.

The models affected are Toto’s famous Z Series toilets, which feature massage sprays, blow dryers, seat warming and an automatic lid. It is thought that faulty wiring caused the toilets to burn.

The Z Series toilets normally retail for between 200,500 and 310,500 yen (around £840 to £1,300), although they aren’t sold outside of Japan.

Talk about your hot flushes. The recall is more than likely the most exciting thing that has ever happened to the toilet industry. Defibrillators (porcelain models) will be made available.

The Trojan Award is presented each week to the person we wish had never been born. This week’s winner gies to the person or persons who came up with the idea for a new upscale publication, Gun And Garden. The slick, glossy magazine resembles a cross between Architectural Digest and Town and Country.

In the 21st century American south, there is a breed of modern men and women Whose mindset is at once old and new….

Like the South today, Gun and Garden will be rooted in tradition, but vibrant with energy and newness…

The magazine will probably be a hit.

The NutriSystem “I’m Not So disgusting to My Spouse Anymore” Award, given to the biggest loser of the week, goes to

The drunken man who fell under a train after being jolted out of a nap at a railway station emerged unscathed from beneath the locomotive.

The 19-year-old had fallen asleep on the station platform in Cologne but was startled by the incoming train. Losing his balance, he fell in front of the locomotive, police said.

“According to the man he fell exactly between the two tracks and just felt a light knock on the head,” Cologne police said in a statement.

The shocked train driver pulled the emergency brakes only to see the man emerge unaided from under the engine. He was taken to hospital for observation.

While technically not a spouse, we cannot imagine there will longs lines of women wanting children fathered by this guy. Darwin at work.

The Haldol Honor, awarded each week to the person or persons most out of touch with reality, either on or off medication goes to anyone who thinks using a ‘breakup service’ is a good idea.

BERLIN (Reuters) – Business is booming for a Berlin entrepreneur’s unique service — delivering break-up messages for a fee.

Bernd Dressler, who charges 50 euros ($68) to tell people they have been dumped, says he has helped end 200 relationships in the last 11 months.

“I almost never get invited in for a coffee,” he told the Berliner Morgenpost newspaper on Monday. “Most of the time they’re totally surprised.”

Breaking the bad news only takes about three minutes and often leaves the message recipients in a state of shock, said Dressler, a trained economist.

People wanting to dump their partners in person can make use of coaching sessions given by Dressler, who also offers help for those wanting to save their relationships or apologize for going astray.

The Methamphetamine Medal, awarded each week to the most hyper, histrionic, hysterical, spaced out documented behavior goes to the woman hit by a car trying to save a duck.

A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers. Snohomish County Deputy Prosecutor Paul Stern on Thursday charged Kenneth Blaine Quinlan, 35, with two counts of third-degree assault and one count each of vehicular assault and hit-and-run…

Authorities say that on March 23, Quinlan and his 39-year-old girlfriend drove to a Lynnwood shopping center, where he entered a Linens ‘n Things outlet and she went into a Petco store, taking the duck with her.

Stern wrote in court papers that a security guard thought he saw Quinlan shoplift an iPod speaker system, and a scuffle ensued.

Police say the guard chased Quinlan to the Petco store, where Quinlan got the car keys from his girlfriend and tried to escape.

The man jumped into the driver’s seat of the car as the woman walked out of the store with her duck. Not knowing what was going on, she tried to stop him from driving away and was knocked down by the open car door as it backed up. She dropped the duck.

A Petco employee saw what was happening and “ran to save Peepers from the front of the car” just as Quinlan drove forward, Stern wrote. The car ran over the woman, inflicting serious injuries including broken bones in her foot and ankle, he said.

Charging papers say Quinlan continued driving and didn’t stop until his vehicle struck another car nearby.

The girlfriend and guard were not seriously hurt. Mr. Peepers was OK.

KFC is looking into a possible media campaign.

The Viagra Statuette, awarded to the wimpiest metro sexuals, goes to Vegan Kid. His post, Gender Liberation, Unbound, is, uh, interesting.

This year, i’d like to turn the mirror around and talk about how transphobia/homophobia and the oppression of Queer people is a part of institutionalized gender oppression. Since this is a blog post and not a book, i’ll only touch on a few things and encourage others to extend my initial thoughts.

For a system of oppression to be easily maintained, it is best to have a binary system of power: the oppressor and the oppressed. Since we don’t live in the socialist utopia described by George Orwell in 1984, where identity has been erased and oppression is based upon a simple and somewhat arbitrary social ranking, we are a combination of oppressor and oppressed. White men can experience oppression because of their ability, class, sexuality, age, and so forth. Likewise, a womyn of color may share the unearned privileges of oppressor status if she is of the owning class, heterosexual, cisgendered, etc. Just to give a couple of examples. So for the purposes of this post, i will focus solely on one form of oppression – gender oppression.

The problem with basing power on identity is that identity is fluid…

Makes perfect sense, right?

The ECT Battery Award, presented to the most shocking news story of the week, goes to a few misguided Viennese.

Residents of an historic Prague neighbourhood have voted for a statue of a goat rather than a monument to famed psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud.

District mayor Petr Hejma said some voters in the referendum said they would prefer a goat statue instead of the proposed Freud sculpture because it was to be located in an area known as Kozi Placek, or Goat Square.

About 75 per cent of voters said no to the proposed sculpture, which was to portray Freud seated at a table.

The referendum was non-binding and Prague’s city government will take the final decision on whether to erect the monument.

After the sculpture proposal drew criticism, officials called for a neighbourhood referendum.

An association called Friends of the Goat was formed, which said a Freud monument could be placed anywhere, while “a statue of a goat can only be situated on Goat Square”.

“First, the statue is hideous, and second, Freud surely never heard of Kozi Placek,” a woman said after voting on Friday.

“We should put a goat statue there instead.”

Freud, who was known for his work with the subconscious, was born in the eastern Czech town of Priborborn and later moved to Austria with his family. He died in 1939.

Freud or goat… Freud or goat…

Those Wienerschnitzel eating bastards.

Finally, The HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) Prize awarded weekly to the loudest and most inconsequential feminist drivel the SC&A jury can find. This week’s hands down winner is the author of I Hate Men.

This is a collection of my own personal rants and thoughts about the aberration known as “dating”. I do not hate men as a whole, but I hate them as potential mates/suitors. So if you are so inclined, read on.

Be sure to visit a recommended site, MenSuck.org.

Now while we’re on the topic of crazy, be sure to visit Dr Sanity’s Carnival Of The Insanities for more bizarre, arcane, insane and incredible examples of what can be found in the whackosphere, blogosphere, MSM and NASA.