Meltdown At Hog Hollow

Hog Hollow, MS- (MHNN)- The Mental Health News Network has learned that Dr Pat Santy, the highly regarded former NASA flight surgeon courted by Democrat candidates for the White House for a top job, will shakeup the campaign by demanding those candidates respond truthfully to the latest Iraq war poll numbers.

The most recent polls indicate that the American support for the war in Iraq is solid, and that most Americans are against mandated troop withdrawals and actually support and agree with the President in viewing Iraq as a critical front on the war on terror.

Dr Sanity, renowned organic waste in space elimination specialist and co-developer of the Deep Space Diaper (whose effectiveness was highlighted terrestrially by Lisa Nowak), was outraged as the very same Democrat candidates that are courting her are misrepresenting the facts. Speaking at a private, invitation only gathering of southern Democrat leaders in Hog Hollow, MS, Santy chided James Carville in his own ancestral back yard. Her remarks, preceding the the closing ceremonial BBQ, upset overall wearing Howard Dean, the DNC chairman. He said that demands that political protocol be obviated in favor of honesty by Democrat politicians was an

“…absolute outrage. I just want to scream every time someone says something like that.”

After regaining his composure, Dean told MHNN that the release of certain information about Dean’s tenure as Vermont governor has been a source of great stress. He said that his record as an environmentalist has been ‘misunderstood’ and that his support for the use record levels of pesticide and chemical use in that state was a desperate cry for attention from Rachel Carson.

Despite the departure of many small farmers from Vermont and the closing of many family farms on his watch and by his deliberate refusal to support family farms in Vermont, Dean told CNN that

The destruction of the middle class and the widening gap between the rich and poor is being played out right before our eyes with the concentration of the agriculture industry.

When asked by MHNN about his track record, Dean said our questions proved his point:

The American voters do not want the truth. They do not want their candidates to really represent their interests . American voters want their candidates to ’stick it to the other guy.’

Dean also questioned the timing of the latest criticisms.

‘If it weren’t for that fat bastard Al Gore’ and his phony carbon offset scams, and John Edward’s obsession with hair cuts (ed- Edwards is also a major stockholder in Hairclub for Men and plantation like estate in North Carolina, replete with plantation like staff), he said Santy’s criticism would be meaningless. The DNC chairmen said that the crop of useful idiots under command was the ‘best ever,’ and that ‘they would march into sewers and happily drink,’ if he asked them to.

Santy responded to Dean’s remark with characteristic outrage.

I know organic waste. I’m an expert on organic waste. I am familiar with organic waste from all parts of the world. Let me tell you that Howard Dean and the Democrats are among the finest organic waste specimens anywhere.

She went on to say that

As a psychiatrist, I know that behavior is predictable and follows patterns. The obsessions of Howard and his platoons of useful idiots are indicative of toilet training gone relativist wild. They want to be applauded for trying to make it on time, and being sorry for ‘accidents,’ and that intending to crap in the bowl, is as good as crapping in the bowl, and why are we so obsessed with toilet training? It isn’t as if porcelain is natural, right?

These *****rs make me puke.

Santy went on to say that ‘playing with numbers is never defensible.’

No one ever hears the truth about Hungarians. Did you know that virtually all Hungarians are toilet trained? That’s something else the Democrats omit.

How about the ‘Delaweenians’? Did you know that people from that state hate to be called ‘Delaweenians’, and the only reason no one says anything about that is because Joe Biden, senator from that great state, believes that by victimizing his fellow citizens, he can bring home even more pork, out sympathy for the ‘Delaweenians’?

Do you know why we haven’t we heard from a single Democrat candidate that Sheryl Crowe’s idea of using a single sheet of toilet paper is a bad idea? Because the candidates all want you to believe that not only do they approve of the idea, they are humbly doing their bit for the environment. THAT’S ASSININE.

Think about this. Do you want to shake hands with a candidate who wants you to believe he uses a single sheet of TP? Would you allow your baby to be kissed by a candidate that uses a single sheet of TP and who would publicly disparage you for using disposable diapers?

These *****rs make make me puke.

Despite her harsh criticisms, none of the candidates or Democrat party officials would disparage Dr Santy, believing that doing so would be political suicide. Barack Obama issued this statement:

Pat Santy is a phenomenon. Her Carnival Of The Insanities is a must read. She’s reaches inside more people that Tim Russert or that ‘girly man,’ George Stephanopoulous. Even the New York Sunday Times can wait.’

Obama was referring to Santy’s Carnival Of The Insanities, a Sunday blog post read around the world, by influential people everywhere.

Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton responded by saying that

Pat Santy is an example to us all. While my opponent refers to girly men, let me take this opportunity to blame the vast right wing conspiracy for my southern accent and for my daughter’s first job out of college that nets her a six figure income. Let me also say I have no idea how those FBI files got into my desk in my study at in the White House and that my $100,000 profit made with the help of a lawyer friend representing a large Arkansas company that changed the state of our finances, was purely coincidental. Any suggestion otherwise really hurts my feelings and might result in the use of private detectives and political dirty tricks operatives to harass, intimidate of threaten the enemies that are so bent on hurting me.

Howard Dean was somewhat more cryptic.

In the spirit of openness and honesty, my feelings will be made clear at a later date. Dean cited ‘executive privilege.’