“Hello, I’m A Dysfunctional Leader”

MHNN (New York)- Correspondents for the Mental Health News Network (MHNN) were present for the inaugural session of Dr Sanity’s group therapy session of dysfunctional Arab leaders. The author of Carnival of the Insanities, Patrica M Santy (PMS), is a former NASA organic waste in space disposal specialist. She is the first western trained mental health specialist to attempt to deal with the world renowned dysfunction of Arab leader outside Quranic Psychiatric Guidelines.

In an effort to protect patient confidentiality and patient rights, MHNN will not directly identify the Arab and Middle Eastern leaders of the group by name.

Unidentified Leader from Iran: Hello, my name is___ and I’m the dysfunctional leader from Iran.

PMS: Shut up. We know who you are. How many 5 foot 2 inch leaders do think there are in the Middle East. No one is going to mistake you for John Wayne.

Unidentified Leader from Syria: Hi! Guess what! I’m a doctor too and I went to a real medical school in the west. We have a lot in common!

PMS: Listen up you quack, you don’t practice medicine. You practice oppression. And get rid the mustache. No amount of facial hair is going to make you look more manly. You look like a dork.

Unidentified Leader from Palestine: Are you a Jew? Are you going to posion us with a secret toxin that works on Arabs and Muslims only, that would render us impotent, ridden with AIDS and mentally deficient?

PMS: Yes.

Other Unidentified Leader from Palestine: Will you recommend that America and Israel send us money and aid so that we might establish our own dysfunctional state? We so much want to establish ourselves in the region as viable Arab nation.

Unintelligible yelling

PMS: All of you, shut up- you’ll each have your chance to make fools of yourselves. Now, listen up Other Unidentified Leader from Palestine. Are you out of your mind? Do you seriously believe that I would encourage your parade of dysfunctional behaviors? And why on earth would you want to join the club of these lunatics?

Unidentified Leader from Palestine: You must be a Jew. We are obligated to kill you. Please, don’t take it personally.

PMS: How about we play a game, called ECP, you moron?

Unidentified Leader from Iran: He’s right. We are obligated to kill you. In fact, I take great exception to how you westerners treat Islamic faithful with such disrespect.

PMS: If you want to be treated with respect, how about treating others with the same kind of respect?

(All Middle East leaders start to shout)

“Don’t you see? We can’t treat you with respect because in our teachings, you are garbage and must not be treated with respect, or equally. Why is it so hard for you to accept that?”

Unidentified Leader from Syria: Please doctor, we don’t want you to get the wrong idea about us. I mean, we mean it, but we don’t really mean it. Do you know how hard it is to oppress an entire nation? It’s a lot more work than you think! We have to create an environment where teaching, preaching and broadcasting hate is acceptable. As long as we can control, exploit and use that kind of hate, our longevity is assured. It isn’t as we, the leaders embrace that hate- with the exceptions of the Unidentified Leader from Iran and the Unidentified Leader from Palestine actually believe that stuff. Remember, even the King of Saudi Arabia insisted on a Jewish physician. Adnan Kashoggi himself acknowledged that “There is nothing that an Arab loves more than a Jewish doctor.”

Unidentified Leader from Palestine: First we kill the Jews, then we kill the Saudi kaffirs. For the record, no matter how much therapy we have to endure, we do have to kill. You are a Jewess, right Dr Sanity?

PMS: I see we have lots of work in front of us.

Other Unidentified Leader from Palestine: I was very quiet this session. I behaved well. Now can you recommend that the Americans and Israelis send weapons and aid so that we can undo the damage done by the religious extremists? We have to make you believe we will kill them. Look, we just want to get back into power so we can get back to everyday corruption and graft, making sure we go nowhere.

Unidentified Leader from Palestine: We will kill you. We will finish what Hitler started and kill the Jews, wherever we might find them. We will impose Sharia Law and kill anyone who takes an adversarial view. We were elected, democratically. We have a mandate. We are as civilized as you are.

PMS: Let’s go play ECT, now. The rest of you have homework. Read Carnival of the Insanities.

Group starts to cheer.

Nest week, MHNN will publish more transcripts from the group therapy session of dysfunctional Arab leaders.