Overheard

PMS- Nice to see you again, Mrs Clinton.

HRC- Thank you doctor. I’m so glad I ran into you. I wanted to tell you I’ve been reading the Carnival Of The Insanities. It really is wonderful. Still, I wanted to talk to you.

PMS- Why is that?

HRC- Well, I’m a bit down. Caroline Kennedy, her Fat Bastard uncle Teddy, Maria Shriver and Patrick ‘O’Boozer‘ Kennedy all came out in support of Obama. And you know what ele I wanna know? Where doers that bitch Michelle Obama get her shoes?

PMS- Well, you shouldn’t be disheartened. Remember Thomas Dewey? Remember that photo of a victorious Harry Truman holding that newspaper with the headline ‘DEWEY WINS!’ The media can’t take away the voice of the people.

HRC- What are you, some kind of idiot? Who cares what the people have to say or think! Screw the people! I’m HRC and I want to be the next president of the United States. I don’t give a damn what the people think- and the media better get used to the idea. Who the hell do they think they are?

PMS- That was pretty bad thing David Shuster of MSNBC said about Chelsea.

HRC- Between you and me, that whole tempest in a teapot gave me an opportunity I needed.

PMS- Opportunity? What do you mean?

HRC- I mean I needed an excuse to not debate Obama. That bastard has real momentum and if he’s on stride, he’ll wipe the floor with me in a debate. The ‘pimping Chelsea’ thing gives me an excuse not to debate Obama and at the same time, look like a protective mom.

PMS- So it’s really not about Chelsea?

HRC- Don’t be an ass. Chelsea is being groomed. We fixed it so that her first job out of college would pay in the six figure range. How many other kids who majored in ‘International Relations’ can say they landed that kind of money? When we decided it was time for her to come home, we fixed her up with a hedge fund, another six figure income job with a wall street type bonus system. We told her bosses, long time friends that Chelsea would be taking time off to campaign for me.

PMS- That doesn’t sound like something you’d want a lot of people to know about.

HRC- You dont get it, so you? I don’t care what people think.We fixed so that Chelsea has this new job in New York as part of a quid pro quo. We picked up the phone, called a few friends, reminded them of how we have no problem using private detectives to dig for dirt and presto! Our 26 year old Chelsea with no real experience handling money is making 150 grand a year plus a Wall Street size bonus. They take care of us, we’ll take care of them. Remember Global Crossing? Do you know they gave more money to campaigns than Enron? Why do you think Terry Maculiffe is willing to lay down in traffic for us? We fixed so that he turned $100,000 into 18 million bucks! That’s 18,000%! Obama might be the media darling for now, but even the media knows that there is just so far they can push. We’ve used private detectives before and we’ll use them again. Remember Tyson? I made a fortune in cattle futures, the kind of bet that even long time traders and speculators lose their shirts. How do you suppose that happened? ‘We got people,’ like the ad says. Ask yourself why you don’t know that the Global Crossing bankruptcy affected far more employees than the Enron bankruptcy. Did you know that Global Crossing gave far more money to the Democratic Party than Enron gave to both political parties combined? Of course you didn’t. We fixed it with the media so that you would never know.

PMS- This is kind of depressing.

HRC- Grow up. The media is as complicit as we are. The Kennedy’s, with the help of the media, thought they would pull one over on us. Believe me, they will pay.

PMS- What do you mean?

HRC- We’ve covered up and cleaned up enough after the Kennedy’s. We’ve made our deals with the media. Have you noticed how quiet the Kennedy’s and the media have been in the last few days? Next time that fat bastard better look before he leaps.

PMS- How will this all turn out?

HRC- Look, fat man will try and turn the tables and threaten us with dirt. In the end, we’ll probably end up in some kind of standoff, but even that doesn’t matter. We’re going to take control of the party away from the Kennedy’s. From now on, it will be the Clinton’s in charge and not them. We’re grooming Chelsea and someday, we’ll clean house.

PMS- You sound a bit obsessed.

HRC- Just a bit?

PMS- Look, you need to relax. You can’t control everything.

HRC- Tell me about it. Bill is going nuts at Victoria’s Secret, Chelsea won’t fork over the money I need for my campaign and Michelle Obama of all people, is making me look like an idiot. If I couldn’t manipulate the rank and file idiot dems, I’d be beside myself.

PMS- Next week I’m going to the mall with Caroline Kennedy, Michelle Obama and Maria Shriver. Would you like to join us? I’ll bet he might have an interesting conversation.

HRC- Do you think Maria could get me the Governator’s autograph? I like Arnold. He’s big- not like Bill.

PMS- I’ll ask her. Now go read Carnival Of The Insanities and relax. Take your mind off Teddy, private detectives, Global Crossing, Obama…