Words To Ponder

“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.”
—Ben Bergor

“Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it.”
—Salvador Dali

“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”
—Jim Morrison

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”
—Unknown

“Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.”
—Loelia, Duchess of Westminster

“Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.”
—Groucho Marx

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
—Oscar Wilde

“Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It’s the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.”
—Dick Gregory

“A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.”
—H.L. Mencken

“I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.”
—Alan Coren

“The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.”
—Unknown

“Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.”
—Unknown

“He’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.”
—Neil Simon