Late Night Laugh: Marriage

Kiss My Ass, Oh Yeah

MHNN (Ann Arbor, MI)- Pat M Santy author of Carnival Of The Insanities (COTI) met with Bill Clinton after his remarks regarding Barack Obama were widely disseminated.

When asked if the former president would actively support the Democrat nominee, he replied that Obama would have to ‘Kiss my ass’ before he would extend any help to the campiagn.

Friends and colleagues of the former president contacted Dr Santy and specifically asked her to head up an intervention team that might calm Mr Clinton and defuse the situation.

After speaking with Barack and Michele Obama and securing their commitment to be in attendance, Dr Sanity agreed to meet with the former president. What follows is a transcript of session.

PMS- Mr President, you seem highly agitated. I’m concerned about you.

BC- I’m a man. Of course I’m agitated.

PMS- Excuse me?

BC- I’m sitting next to Michelle Obama. She’s hot.

PMS- Let’s stay focused.

MO- That’s his problem. He stays focused on what’s in his pants.

BC- You are such a kidder, Michelle! Women with a sense of humor and big backside really turn me own.

PMS- Why are you so mad at Obama, Bill?

BC- Why am I so mad at Obama? Why am I so mad at Obama? I’m not mad at Obama- I’m outraged!

PMS- Why?

MC- Cause he’s been bested by a black man, that’s why. Bill Clinton is still a Lily white racist pig when you get right down to it.

BO- Michelle, shut up. I want to hear what he has to say.

MO-Push me around half breed and the only thing you’ll get tonight is the TV remote.

BC- I’m outraged because I was feeding at the public trough for decades before I got to the White House. I had to pretend I gave a damn about people for years before I got my shot. I had to work my way up to the front of the line. Now, all of sudden the White House and the presidency have become an affirmative action destination.

MO- What did you say?

PMS- Maybe we ought to take a break-

BC- I don’t need no stinkin’ break. Here’s the deal, fat butt. You haven’t paid your dues. It’s that simple. You guys latched the onto public assistance trough right off the bat. The Chicago Democrat machine took care of your every need. When you headed off to Washington, they helped you make sure the hospital where Michelle ‘worked’ got some big money- and her salary almost tripled overnight. We didn’t have a machine like that in Arkansas. We took the big risks ourselves-

BO- You mean like Whitewater? How is it you lost money but never actually lost money?

MO- It always amazes me how dumb some white folks can be.

BC- Screw you.

BO- No, screw you! You are just upset because I’ve shut the door to the Clinton’s taking what they can when they can from whom they can. Your wife is a Senator- just like me and 98 others. She’s nothing special and consequently, you’re nothing special anymore. That has to bug the hell outta you. I know all about psychology and dysfunction. I read that 3 dead shrink guy everyday.

PMS- Good for you, Barack!

MO- He’s white.

PMS- Who is white?

MO- That shrink guy. Only a white guy has the stones to pretend he’s not one but three dead guys.

PMS- Yes Michelle. Must be a white privilege thing.

BO- Here’s where you can kiss my ass, Bill. Why should I help you retire your wife’s campaign debt? How come when you spend your own money you don’t have to actually spend that money? Why is your money sacred, Bill? Romney spent his own money and and didn’t ask for it back.

MO- Even that honkey dumbass Kerry spent his wife’s ketchup money and didn’t demand it back. What makes you so special? Come on white boy, tell us?

BC- I WAS THE PRESIDENT! I WAS THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!

MO- You were the dumbass who got caught with his pants down and you were the dumbass that lied to the nation and you were the dumass that got his law license revoked for a while. We know exactly who you are.

PMS- I don’t think this is helpful-

BC- Whatever problems you have with me have nothing to with Hillary-

BO- She’s a lying bitch, too. Remember the 941 FBI files of Clinton enemies found in her office? Remember the Rose Law firm billing records that proved she lied? She and you have lots in common.

BC- Big talk from the guy who got into bed with Rezko and Auchi. Big talk from the guy who took Cook County handouts and patronage. Wanna play that game? The only change you can deliver is more corruption. You talk about race in America and all the while you are empowering the Chicago Democrats. Ralph was right. You just talk white. You don’t give a damn about anybody but yourself and what’s in it for you.

MO- You got that right- and wait till you see what we have in store for you. We know what Sandy Berger shoved down his pants. How about a black man tell the world-

PMS- I think we need a break Relax, read Carnival Of The Insanities and we’ll pick this up later.