Sarah, Joe And Bullwinkle Bites

MHNN (Ann Arbor, MI)- Pat M Santy author of Carnival Of The Insanities (COTI) met with Governor Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential nominee and Senator Joe Biden, the Democrat’s choice as the VP candidate for Barack Obama.

The two agreed to meet with the renowned Pat M Santy, former NASA flight surgeon and one time lead member of the Mrs Stouffer’s focus group (1991-2004) so as to talk about the vice presidential debate, the outcome and what it is Americans really want to hear from their candidates this election season.

The meeting suggested by Barack Obama, was originally slated to take place in a remote resort facility in the Colorado Rockies. Senator Biden was reported to have said, ‘That b**** has guns, no way I’m anywhere near her in a remote location during hunting season. Cheney has accidents, she- not so much. If you’re so keen on the Rockies this time of year, why don’t you meet her, Barack?’ Senator Obama acquiesced to Biden’s request to meet elsewhere.

What follows is a transcript of the meeting between Joe Biden (JB), Sarah Palin (SP) and Pat M Santy, MD (PMS) held in the Holiday Inn ‘Just For You‘ Spa in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

JB- I like this place. You know, I’ve always supported women. Some of my colleagues refer to me as ‘The Bra,’ but I don’t mind. Supporting women’s rights is an important issue. Last week I was talking to my good friend, Betty Friedan-

PMS- Senator, Betty Friedan died 2 years ago.

JB- She did?

PMS- Yes.

JB- So who was I talking to last week- oh yes, I know, I was talking to Jackie Kennedy. You know, I’m a good friend of the Kennedy’s-

PMS- How are you this morning, Governor Palin?

SP- I’m just fine, though I’m a bit worried about Senator Biden. He reminds me a bit of Old Yeller.

JB- I do?

SP- Bless your soul, Joe, but if you keep talking the way do now, you’ll have to be put down- in a political`1 sense, I mean.

JB- Governor, that’s hardly appropriate. I wiped the floor with you during the debate. Seems to me you are the one that ought to be put of her misery!

SP- Bless your heart Joe, but it turns out you lied a whole bunch during that debate-

JB- So what? It’s the winning that counts, not how you play the game?

PMS- Fascinating conversation. Do you mind if I heat up some lasagna in the microwave and eat while you two debate?

SP- Not all. I have a great recipe I can ‘Bullwinkle Bites’ that are the perfect snack and pick me up.

JB- Sounds great, Governor. You know, I went hunting once with Ernest Hemingway-

PMS- What parts do you use to make ‘Bullwinkle Bites’?

SP- The parts Joe is missing.

JB- What parts?

PMS- Never mind.

SP- Anyway, Joe, you can’t win if you cheat. You have to play fair.

JB- This is Washington. Who says I have to tell the truth and play fair?

SP- That’s what the American people want, Joe, and I’m going to come to Washington and help clean things up.

JB- There is a reason Obama and I don’t like you. Your ideas will put us out of job. All of Washington is repulsed by your ideas, Governor. Why don’t you just take the entire House and Senate and shoot us?

SP- The idea has some merit, but I’d have to reload a few times, for sure.

JB- You don’t scare me. I was in Normandy on D Day and I was on the Entebbe rescue mission-

PMS- Senator, the Israelis pulled off that rescue mission-

JB- And everyone knows I’m a great supporter of Israel, so you see-

SP- Bless your heart joe, but you’ re beginning to remind me of Old Yeller again.

JB- I am?

SP- Joe, You know we all love you and think the world of you, and even the people of the great state of Alaska find you mildly entertaining, but you need to get help.

JB- Why?

PMS- Oh, this is so good.

JB- I like the Stouffer’s Salisbury Steak dinner. You know, I was talking to Betty Crocker once, and she told me-

PMS- Joe, I was talking about the exchange between you and Sarah.

SP- Joe, you need to get help because you have become what Americans hate about Washington. You lie all the time, political pork is a way of life and you care little for the American people.

JB- I talk to Americans at gas stations all the time and I talk to foreigners at donut store almost every month. What can a small town mayor from Alaska teach me?

SP- You have spent 35 years mostly talking to people. I have to get up everyday and deliver good government to people who vote for me. There’s a big difference between us.

JB- Look, make it easy on yourself, just lie. Come on over to the Dark Side…heh, that was pretty funny.

SP- You need some Bullwinkle Bites.

JB- Thank you for the kind offer, Sarah, but I was talking to Richard Simmons and I really need to cut back on the snacks.

PMS- Man up, Joe. To hell with Sweating to the Oldies. Start here, with the Carnival Of the Insanities.

SP- We need to come back. I’ll bring Todd. He can show Joe what a real gun looks like.

JB- God bless you, Sarah, but we aren’t on the same side on guns either. I was just telling Charlton Heston that I had a gun, but really didn’t like to use it.

PMS- That’s alright, Joe. I see it all the time in my practice.

To be continued.