“I’ll Be Home For Christmas And In Therapy By New Year’s”

December 26, 2008

“Well,  this is how we did it when I was growing and this is how we’re doing it now. Get in the freaking holiday spirit.”

“You had no problem when I wore the Santa teddy last night. I’m wearing it now and your mother will just have to deal with that.”

“Beer has always been a part of our pre dinner celebration. There is a reason the beer companies go to great lengths to have really nicely decorated 48 packs of Christmas Ale.”

“Don’t mention anything about anatomically correct dolls during dinner. Without getting into details, when I was a kid, we had to bail Uncle Skip out of jail because he assaulted a department store elf.”

“I don’t want to hear any complaints about going to Church this year. We’re all going to pray and get into the holiday spirit, goddamit!”

“Let this be a lesson. This is what happens when you come home for Christmas.”

“Stop crying. It’s Christmas. No one is happy.”

“Yes, you have to wear the bunny costume your aunt made for you.”

“Just once, can someone beside your mother cook the damn food?”

“Holy crap! Little Suzie finally sprouted boobs!”

“Please tell your cousin that grabbing my crotch is not the same as shaking hands.”

“Don’t be alarmed. If there are no death threats, it isn’t a holiday get together.”

“Someone keep an eye on Stevie. I don’t want another kitten ‘accidentally’ strangled this year.”

“Your mother burned the turkey again. I’ll head over to KFC for a couple of buckets. Finally, a holiday tradition we can call our own.”

“You can stop being nice to Uncle Joe. He’ll out live all of us and besides, the dancer from the cotton tail club got all his money.”

“Someone needs to explain to Ronnie that using a Christmas theme does not make porn slides shows appropriate ecards.”

“It doesn’t matter that you believed what your mother and father told you. Now you know what sex is really all about. Think about that tonight. Merry Christmas, kid. “

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2 Responses to ““I’ll Be Home For Christmas And In Therapy By New Year’s””

  1. retriever Says:

    Love them! This year our household got the ultimatum “Don’t feel pressured or anything, but anybody who wants to open any gifts tomorrow had better be in the car scrubbed, clean clothes and looking devout in five minutes for the Christmas Eve service.”

  2. [...] SIGCARLFRED– “I’ll Be Home For Christmas And In Therapy By New Year’s” …. [...]

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