Happy New Year from the Author of SC&A

December 30, 2012

We will resume regular posting on Thursday, January 3, 2013.

In this, our last post of 2012, SC&A want to extend New Year’s Greetings to our readers.

In a less than perfect world, we crave the warmth and security of home. Whether as children or adults, our home and family should be where we feel most comfortable and at ease. Home is the respite from daily battle, where you return when the day is done. Your home and family are the center of your life, whether you feel it at the moment or not.

It is from homes our most important life decisions are made. Our homes have shaped many of our beliefs and attitudes, our awareness and self esteem, that feeling of worth- and in a healthy individual, that motivator to give to others. It is from our homes and families that we learn to share, to cope, to play and to forgive. We learn to be comfortable with ourselves. Most importantly, in a healthy home, we learn to laugh and be happy.

The drive for the acquisition of more ‘things’, larger homes, vacation homes, more luxurious homes and so on, all contribute to and create that false sense of security and delusion, one that only further isolates the soul. As with investment portfolios, familial security requires diversification. If the acquisition and over valuation of material goods is the only way one can find what is only temporary inner peace, that is all that person will end up with- temporary peace and satisfaction.

We envy the mythical Bob Cratchit is because the values of a real home and the comforts that real home brings, are eternal. There is no later or newer model, no ‘next generation.’ In fact, what is real home and comfort becomes even more valuable with the passage of time- our lives, our experiences all add texture and meaning to ‘home.’ Those that have been fortunate enough to have come from a healthy home that can attest to it. Those that have not been so blessed, see it clearly- like the cancer patient who sees the healthy person. That person understands more than most, the value of the gift of health. The person who does not come from a healthy home does not have to be convinced of the values found therein.

A healthy home is really an extension of a common life, common values and common goals- positive contributions to our world and the world around us. That is not to imply that we all need be the same- it is to imply that whatever our differences, be they religious, political or philosophical, family and home need be our point of origin, the place from where who we are, differences and all, originate. When that is so, we relish going home. When it is not so, we are reluctant to return.

Going home isn’t about a party or a meal. Going home is refuel and recharge on those things that make us family. We want to go home, to be there, with those we love and care for- or those we want to be with or love. Why? Because we have all been there, at least once. We have all experienced that spiritual dimension of home and family, at least once in our lives- and it is intoxicating and addictive. We want more, no matter how far away that might be for some.

When we go home for the holidays, whether we do so with eagerness or trepidation, it would wise to keep those things in mind.

Those who fear the place they came from can go home and participate in the toxicity, or they can choose not to engage, and ignore it. While some may choose to watch television, there might be someone willing to engage in meaningful conversation. Taking some time with a bored or sullen child can have a meaning and impact you and that child in ways you cannot begin to imagine. A few hours, without the defensive facade and deliberately pushing aside the tension will not change the dysfunction and pain of the past. Still, those few hours, meaningfully spent, can serve to highlight how far you have come from that dysfunctional environment and how much that means to you. Those few hours might serve as a lamplight to further potential and possibilities.

That may not change the family you came from- but it will change the family you create- even if it is only a family of one.

May the coming year find your home a place of safety, security and family. In 2013, may your home be more about meaning and love for self and others and less about the things that matter far less.

Portions of this post have been previously published

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One Response to “Happy New Year from the Author of SC&A”

  1. SC&A Says:

    Josef, I find your obsession with me fascinating.

    You are commended for your restraint from continuing to making inappropriate sexual references.. They are a part of the pathology- that which is real and that which is imagined on your part.

    I delete your silly comments and yet not only do you continue to comment, you have to find a new nic/email to do just that. That is a lot of effort to go through fore someone who claims to find mouse clicks ‘annoying’.

    This is certainly not the behavior of a healthy person.

    Now, as to your latest remarks, elsewhere, I admit that gave me a good laugh, especially your reference to ‘original material’. Your most recent efforts were not exactly your own, were they?

    I suppose you now know as much about that as you do the other things you claim ‘expertise’.

    Don’t misunderstand me- I harbor no ill will toward you. Just the opposite, in fact. I do understand where you are coming from and I have a great deal of sympathy for you.

    Get back into therapy- if not for yourself, do it for your family. Don’t make your problems theirs.

    While there may be some things that cannot be undone or unbroken there is no reason the future has to repeat the past.

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